A Conversation with Sammy Hagar....

While attending the game where the glorious Red Sox spank the unspectacular Nationals last night, Salad and I ran into the most unusual of suspects...Sammy Hagar. Now, it wasn't like Salad and I saw this man and thought "oh wow, that dude looks like Sammy Hagar". No, no no. Let me break it down for you....while waiting in the third beer line (just an FYI if there is a small, hard to see, plastic cup on top of the draft pull, that beer is out. How you are supposed to see this at the back of a 30 person line, I'm not quite sure.....but apparently this is common knowledge.) trying to just get two blue moons the curly haired blond man in front of us, turned to check us out. Salad expresses, "Sammy Hagar!" Not sure if the man hears us but he turns once more and then turns back. In this process, another man cut through the line and exclaimed, "Sammy HAGAR!". At this point, we knew we weren't just seeing things. The most bizarre conversation then ensued. Sammy turned to talk with us and to be honest, I'm not sure how the convo started. But as we progressed we learned several things: Sammy is from Cuba and has three houses in Leesburg, Miami (his current residence, we think), and Key West; he doesn't really root for either team but he likes the name of the Red Sox third baseman (Mike Lowell) and therefore wants them to win; he once had such a bad hangover after drinking in Topeka that he got on the wrong plane and ended up in Ohio instead of Miami. Then we started to discuss the stadium. It was his first game at Nationals Park and he described the stadium as "it's not sex." Now, at this point Salad and I are looking at each other a little nervously. "It's not what?" One of us asks. "Sex, it's not sex. It's like the sex where you still get your climax, but it's not sex. It's middle of the road sex. It's too commercialized. Wrigley is sex." I can barely contain myself at this point. Salad just keeps egging him on. Then he asks us where we are from, what we do, blah blah. Salad tells Sammy that he has pretty hair. Sammy replies by telling her that she has pretty hair and then proceeds to almost touch her boob while telling her not to cut her hair, in case she has a kinky boyfriend. Salad and I are quite confused about why a kinky boyfriend would like long hair but don't feel the necessity to ask Sammy what he means. Now at this point, he wants our name and numbers so we can give him some good places to "boogie on the weekends". Salad and I hesitate and then Sammy asks if we have boyfriends. Salad giggles (yes, Salad it was a giggle) and replies yes I have a boyfriend. Sammy then looks disappointed and turns to me (gets real close, did I mention that he's a close talker and drunk?) and asks, "what about you?" I tell him I'm married. He turns to Salad and then back to me and asks, "Full time or part time?"

I don't really remember the rest of the conversation and I even though at this point we get to the front of the line and learn that they are also out of blue moon, I swear they walkie talkied ahead just to ensure that I don't get my blue moon, it was all worth it to talk with Sammy Hagar.

Phone actress

I just finished a book, to remain nameless due to its embarrassing content, and no it's not dirty. It's just....girly. But in it, three women become phone sex operators. Which they call phone actresses. The book makes it sound incredibly easy to do this and get rich off it. I'm wondering, if A. this could really happen? Could it be that easy? and 2. Could you get rich off of giving men "pleasure" over the phone?

I'm not seriously pondering this as a career move, but who doesn't want to supplement their income with a little extra dough if all you have to say is "oh", "yeah", and "give it to me baby" occasionally while guys indulge in their ultimate fantasy: anonymous sex with no strings, except for the phone cord of course.

Maybe a career change is in order. I'll keep you posted.

Convos between a WBF/WGF

WGF: He's letting me have his meat.........I fit all of your meat in my mouth.

WGF: I think my chair is wet.
WBF: You can sit on my lap. But that might get wet later too.

WGF: So are you going to be mad if I invited someone?
WBF: I mean if it was some dude i might have to wrestle him to assert my dominance but tall, beautiful blond is no problem at all

The Fluffernutter.....

Some things should never be said at work....and then some things should never be said at all. Below is a collection of things that have been said at my job. Some of course were taken out of context and others, well, you sort of had to be there.

• As always, common sense must prevail.
• I'll find out how good you are on Friday.
• I wouldn't worry about that little guy.
• Why does everyone always get bummed whenever I bring up the Holocaust?
• Which part of the dinosaur do I click with?
• I'm still fighting for my head room.
• You put the carrot in front of the horse, not behind it.
• What a bunch of Dorito eaters.
• That's a tea packet, right?
• If you give them Snakes on a Plane they don't have to smoke meth.
• -Who's following you? -Chris?